his suv pulled up in the drive, right on time. hopping in the passenger seat, i leaned over giving him a shy peck on the cheek, then folded my hands in my lap and looked anywhere but at him. all the bells & whistles on the dash, the few specks of dirt on the floor mat, out the window… anywhere but at T.
i was just feeling too unsteady, too unsure of myself to speak. shocking i know, but when i don't know what to say, i choose to say nothing.
call me standoffish. oh, wait. i've been called that before. so we talked. okay, well he talked… until i finally opened up with my concerns and fears and all my neurosis that goes along with it. by the time i was done, i was wringing my hands so much i'm surprised i had skin left on them. he assured me that he was okay, that we were okay, but apparently, i still needed some more reassurance so that i would be okay. and so he took the turn that had us heading to his ranch.
what would be more comforting than spending time with T and horses? not a whole lot in my book and i could feel myself becoming giddy about the opportunity to ride together. this was definitely going to be just what the doctor ordered. exiting the vehicle, T opened my door and escorted me into the office/viewing room of the arena.
excusing himself for a moment, he left the room and i was left to wander, looking at all the photos on the wall. then through the viewing room windows, i watched the arena lights buzz on one at a time until the 70'x140' area became fully lit. with purposeful strides, he came back in the room, taking my face in his hands he kissed me gently and asked, "Ready?" i nodded and he pulled a pink paisley bandana from his back pocket.
what the hell??? pink??? oh ick… i hate pink… he knows i hate pink… i can't stand the color. "Strip pet, but leave your socks & boots on." uh. what??? confused i looked at him, "um… but… i thought we were going to ride?" "I would have assumed after all this you would have learned that you think too much… now strip." i slowly removed my clothes.
not in an effort to be sexy but because i was hoping he'd change his mind while i lingered. it wasn't meant to be unfortunately. when i was nude, aside from what was on my feet, he tied the pink bandana around my neck. "Very cute." hating the fact that i felt bashful, overexposed and utterly ridiculous looking in this get-up, i grimaced as he took my hand and led me into the arena.
"Now pet, apparently you have felt neglected which leads you to these strange notions that I don't care. Unfortunately, I have to finish up a few things, but I want to reassure you that you are always thought of." i cringed, feeling very stupid for being so over-emotional lately and what was about to come.
"So, I have about an hour worth of work to complete here. if you're physically occupied, then mentally you will not have cause to wander off into la-la land." *have i mentioned how much i'm beginning to hate that term* "I want you to walk the rail" (that's the outer edge of the arena, next to the wall for you non-horse people) "A half hour in one direction, then the second half hour in the other." at first i felt a monstrous tide of anger, but managed to stifle it as he walked back into the office.
he didn't even wait to see if i would obey. i watched him through the viewing room window, and he tilted his head inquiringly at my glance. i proceeded to walk. i walked… and walked…and walked some more. i was chilled when i originally started but after 10 minutes of trudging through a 6" base of shredded rubber and loose sand, i worked up a sheen of perspiration on my skin.
i counted each knot in the plank of wood on the arena wall. each time as i passed by the office, i looked in the window, as he made phone calls & shuffled papers. my thighs hurt, my knees hurt and i was dragging my feet kicking up dust the farther along i got. thirty minutes in, i switched directions. by this time, i was downright gross. i was a mix of sweat, dirt, sand and it streaked down my skin.
i was wet, sticky, and smelly, (not in a good, i smell of sex way) and i was so hot my hair felt like it was on fire. my pristine white socks, a dingy brown. when the hour was up, the only thought i had was that of gratitude that it was over.
i was even grateful that T had given me the horrid pink bandana to wear because i had something to wipe my brow with. knocking on the door, i opened it slowly and softly said, "Sir??? my hour is up." "How do you feel pet?" "i… um… thirsty Sir. tired.and really kind of nasty." *i really can articulate myself well can't i?* "Hmm… you are a mess aren't you?
Well, you can get a drink from one of the waterer's in a stall and when you're done, we'll leave." "yes Sir." *ugh* "And pet… I'll grab your clothes and meet you by the truck.
I can't have you sitting on my clean seats, so hop in the back when you're through." i made my way back to one of the stalls, walked in and then decided i just couldn't do it. not only because i really did not want to drink from the waterer (i don't even allow my dogs to kiss me ick), but i really didn't want to subject one of his horses to my filth either. i was staying thirsty for the moment. passing through the viewing room, i shut down the lights and closed the door behind me.
as my eyes adjusted to the darkness i could see his form next to the suv and as i climbed in the back, he shut the hatch behind me. starting the drive back to the house, i was instructed to remove the rest of my attire…boots, socks, and the butt ugly bandana. i curled up in ball on the hard mat, laid my head on my arm, closed my eyes and rested. before long i felt us pull into the garage and he opened the door to let me out.
i uncurled myself, a little stiff now that i had stopped moving, and groaned. T offered his hand to help me out, which i readily accepted, as i landed none too steadily on my feet. "Two choices pet. I can hose you down out in back or you can hop in the shower." now normally i would have paused, immediately suspect, and become extremely cautious.
T rarely gives options, and when he does, there is always, always something behind it that more often than not, i am going to end up disliking. i hate when he gives me choices, it makes my heart beat double time. in this instance, however i was too drained to really think hard on it. not that it didn't cross my mind at all, but i couldn't fathom how a shower could be worse off than the hose. what could happen? a cold shower perhaps?
it's not as if the hose is going to be any warmer. moreover, if it's the hose, then i'm outside, exposed and it's chillier.
oh hell. "shower please Sir." "To the bathroom then and don't touch anything, pet. Everything you need is in the shower." i couldn't help but give a silent 'woo-hoo' in my head. a cold shower was out thank god. once in the bathroom i reached in, turned the nozzle until it was set to almost scalding and waited for the water to heat up. catching my profile in the mirror, my disheveled hair, streaks of brown down my white skin, how could he ever think his pet was attractive?
i looked like a humane society reject. i could only look worse if i had mange. sheesh, i wouldn't want to touch me.
sighing, i entered the shower.
tilting my head back and soaking my hair, i closed my eyes and just enjoyed the sensation of water pulsating against my body. i could have stayed there awhile just letting the heat seep into my muscles, but didn't want to keep him waiting. bending down to grab the shampoo from the seat, it was then that i figured out the catch.
i looked at the label in disbelief. "Hartz Crystal Clean Shampoo & Conditioner (for dogs). All In One, Leaves Coat Clean, Shiny, And Manageable. Refreshing Deodorizing Scent." all of a sudden i felt this big whoosh, as if all the air was being sucked out of the room, everything around me turned hazy with the exception of that bottle and my eyes glazed over as i stared at it. it's just soap right?
if i just think of it that way, it's no big deal.
nevertheless, no matter how much i tried to think little of it, this was a huge deal to me, big crocodile tears formed, and my bottom lip quivered. i set the bottle back on the seat, sat down on the shower floor and stared at it for a good 5 minutes. i'd be lying if told you i wasn't looking for a way to get clean without it.
when i couldn't come up with anything i started crying in earnest. i didn't have the energy to be angry, and as he called out to let me know i had 10 more minutes, all i felt was humiliation unlike anything i have experienced before.
i stood up, grabbed the bottle, poured it into my hand and washed my hair. after rinsing, i did the same with the loofah sponge and cleaned my body, scrubbing until my skin was as red as my swollen, tear stained eyes. i wanted to throw the bottle when i was finished, but knowing if he knew i hated it, then he would have me do it again. i gingerly put it back where it belonged, turned the water off, grabbed two towels - one for my hair, and wrapped the other around my body.
stepping out of the shower, i took a moment to finally get that drink of fresh, cold water from the sink and splash my face in an effort to hide the effects of my "shower". i wanted to maintain some vestige of pride and didn't want him to know how much affected me. he laid in bed as i exited the bathroom, opened his arms and beckoned me to him.
i didn't move, but clutched my towel closer to my chest. "Come to bed pet." i draped the towel that was around my body on the bedpost and took the one from hair, placing it over my pillow to keep it from becoming too wet and crawled in beside him. both of us naked, i laid on my side as he enveloped my body in his.
i couldn't put a coherent thought together if you paid me at this point. moving my hair out of the way, he positioned his right arm underneath my neck, his long fingers intertwined with mine. his left hand tucked underneath my arm, holding my other hand. it's one of my favorite sleeping positions, it makes me feel safe, cared for, as if he'll never let me go.
here i was, finally obtaining the ever-elusive cuddle time i had been wanting so desperately. he softly kissed and grazed the back of my shoulders, occasionally whispering about how well i did earlier even though he knew it was going to be difficult and how proud he was of me. my insides smiled at the sound of "good girl" and but body shivered at the softness of his lips. my god the man knows how to get under my skin. nothing makes me purr faster then having him caress me there.
he held me down as he lavished all his attention, focusing on the one place, until i was a squirming like a wanton woman. each time i tried to disengage when i couldn't take anymore, his arms closed tighter.
he kept at his chosen task for nigh unto an hour working me into a frenzy until i was no longer wet from my shower, but for other reasons. my pussy was soaked, running down my inner thighs. i could feel the length of his cock, hard against my ass. nibbling on my ear, i gasped when he positioned his leg between mine, forcing me to spread and entering my ass suddenly without warning.
his girth and length, i kid you not, are a force to be reckoned with and i winced in pain. burying himself deep within me, my body was forced to accommodate him as he began fucking me.
as he pummeled my ass i thought this was all about T and his hunger, his need, but truthfully i had some ownership of this need also. i wanted this - all of him. the discipline, the humiliation, the cuddling, and the roughness. as we progressed my thrusts matched his. i wanted him harder and deeper. and oh so much more. when his body reached it's pinnacle, tensing in orgasm, i held his hands tighter in mine until his spasms subsided. he and his essence within me, i laid there contemplating all that had happened.
i was physically and mentally drained, my mind tired but clear, and thought this is what i had been missing. this place. my place with him, where he makes me feel well used and wonderful.